Are You an Egomaniac?
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." - Maya Angelou
When was the last time any of us thought about how we actually make other people feel?
Does anyone ever really even think about it? Most of the time, we are too busy being preoccupied with ourselves to worry about how we are making other people feel. But how is that working out for us, really?
We all want healthy and loving relationships with our partners and our children. We all want cooperative, productive and respectful relationships with our colleagues. And we all want trusting, supportive and mutually beneficial relationships with our friends. But if we really want those kinds of relationships in our lives, then we have to be willing to consider what we are doing to create and influence those relationships in the first place.
Any time we find ourselves lacking in our relationships, chances are it's because of how we have been behaving and treating the people who are in those relationships with us. If we have a tendency to be very rigid in our expectations of people, it causes people to react to us in ways that they normally wouldn't. Instead of experiencing the relationships that we want, we end up feeling frustrated, isolated, misunderstood, resentful and victimized.
While being a controlling dictator can certainly have it's benefits, it does far more damage to our relationships than anyone would ever care to imagine. It may get things done, it may make other people jump to serve us, and it may make us feel competent and important, but at the end of the day, what it really does is make us a mean spirited, self serving, inconsiderate egomaniac.
While it may be great to feel the buzz of being superior and important in the moment, how does criticizing or belittling other people actually make us feel after we've done it? Pretty crappy, right?
Carrying around a rigid set of expectations sets us and everyone around us up for failure. It means we are going to be consistently disappointed, frustrated, angry and stressed out. It also means that people around us are going to silently resent and loathe us, and do everything they possibly can to avoid us.
Being around people who constantly complain, belittle, criticize or gossip about how terrible, irresponsible and useless other people are is exhausting. The truth is that the people who do that are often projecting something onto those people that they actually see in themselves. That something is usually fear.
Egomaniacs have the same fear that the rest of us have, the only difference is that they've taken it to a whole new level. When an egomaniac shouts at you for being so stupid or useless or incompetent, what they're really saying is, "Look, you're not making me look or feel good and I can't handle that, because I am terrified that someone is going to discover the truth, and that truth is that I am not enough!"
The key to creating positive, lasting and healthy relationships is to become willing to question ourselves about our own thoughts, beliefs and behaviours. We have to ask ourselves how our treatment of other people actually makes them feel, and whether or not our thoughts, beliefs and behaviours really align with the person we want to be.
The next time you find yourself angry, irritated or frustrated with someone because they failed to meet your expectations, stop yourself before you speak to them. Instead of berating, belittling or criticizing them, why not pause to consider why it is that you feel the way you do? Try to doing an internal check to see if there is something in you that needs to be adjusted, softened or eased up on. Then, when you go to respond to that person, you can address them in a way that reflects the person you really want to be.
What's the biggest challenge you are facing in your life right now? How is that impacting you and what would it mean for you if you could overcome it? I can show you how to overcome this and any other kind of challenge quickly and easily. I can teach you how to solve complex problems with simple solutions, so you can get the results you want while saving you time, money and pain. Would that be something you would be interested in?
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About the author
Tamara Dodgson is a Certified Strategic Intervention Coach with Forward Coaching and Consulting Services. Utilizing the most powerful principles and strategies from master Strategic Interventionists, Tamara offers a sound, knowledgeable and dependable methodology for change, whether it relates to matters of the individual, couple, family, partnership, company, organization or community. She has successfully helped her clients navigate through hundreds of unique and challenging life situations, often involving complex issues such as addictions, divorce, and criminal proceedings. Tamara empowers her clients by helping them identify what they want, teaching them a successful and proven methodology for change and providing them with measurable and lasting results. You can connect with her on Facebook at Forward Coaching & Consulting Services, on LinkedIn at Tamara Dodgson, on her website at www.tamaradodgson.com, or via email at email@example.com.