Stop Believing You Weren't Enough
There's a common thread that runs between us all, and it touches one of our most deepest fears in life. We are terrified at the thought of not being loved - and any experience that reinforces that fear is guaranteed to cause us an incredible amount of pain.
Love & Connection is one of our most basic human needs, and every single one of us has to have it on some level in order to survive. From the moment we're born, we need to be cuddled and nurtured and loved. It is an essential aspect of our ability to thrive.
We go throughout our lives constantly seeking reassurance and validation from other people. We seek it in the form of approval and acknowledgement and attention - because it is our consistent way of asking..."Am I Enough?"
When we find ourselves surrounded by people who love us; when we find ourselves in relationship with someone we care about; when we have the security of knowing that we have people we can lean on and when we feel like we are a part of something or that we belong - we are nourished. It gives us a sense of comfort and peace, it enables us to relax and to be happy because at the most basic level, we know we are going to be okay.
But what happens when we experience something that makes us question our own sense of self worth? What happens, for instance, when a loved one is tragically and violently taken away? What happens when the person we have been in relationship with suddenly dies or decides to leave? And what happens when we find ourselves in the midst of a life and death crisis, and the person we are trying to save doesn't survive?
On the surface, it is easy to understand that none of these things are within our control. We know logically that usually in any of these situations, there was more than likely nothing we could have done to prevent what happened, but something else has a tendency to occur at a deeper level in our psyche. We begin to question if there was anything we could have done.
Human beings are notorious for trying to find a place to lay blame or fault for the bad things that happen every day in our lives. We feel like we have to make someone or something be responsible because it is our way of trying to make sense of things that sometimes don't seem to make any sense at all. The reason why we do this is because we have a need to feel like and believe we are actually in control.
And so we begin to question ourselves. We wonder if there was something we could have done differently. We wonder if we did enough to take care of them or if we treated them properly. We torture ourselves with worry and with guilt and with doubt - searching our minds and the past for some shred of evidence or some truth that might help us to explain what has happened or why.
In the process of searching for answers, we have a tendency to keep reliving these painful experiences over and over and over again - sometimes to the point where we can actually drive ourselves mad. When we refuse to let go of this need to find an explanation or we resist practicing acceptance because of the belief that we have to carry some kind of guilt or responsibility, we effectively deny ourselves the opportunity to heal from our pain.
One of the greatest sources of our own suffering is our inability to accept that there are things in this life that are out of our control. We have to stop believing and holding onto those limiting beliefs that tell us that we "should" have been able to do something, we "should" have been able to prevent what happened, or we "should" have been anything other than what we were.
Stop believing that you were not enough! It is not our job to try to control the world. It is our job to learn to "accept the things which we cannot change, to have the courage to change the things that we can, and the wisdom to know the difference".
In the words of Jane Fonda, "We are not meant to be perfect - we are meant to be whole." We cannot be whole when we are holding onto pain. Love yourself enough to allow yourself to find acceptance. Do not believe that suffering is inevitable. Only pain is inevitable. Suffering is not.
Limiting Beliefs can cost us our happiness, inhibit us from having the life that we want and keep us from achieving our ultimate goals. With a focused and effective process combined with the guidance of an experienced professional coach, it is possible for you to eradicate your limiting beliefs and finally get to experience the life you've always wanted! Contact me to find out how you can take advantage of my complimentary, one-on-one, Strategic Intervention Coaching Consultation Session. This free session can help you get clear about what has been holding you back and give you the opportunity to create a powerful and impactful purpose driven plan for 2017!
About the author
Tamara Dodgson is a Certified Strategic Intervention Coach and Life Strategist, trained by Robbins Madanes. She has spent the better part of a half century studying, researching and learning about personal growth and development, self-help, spirituality, leadership, success, achievement and philosophy. She is a writer, philosopher, life coach, mother, fitness enthusiast, nature lover, book fanatic and divine being of infinite possibilities. She is also the proud author of "Designing Your Life - A Guide to Help You Consciously Create Your Future" and has recently released a new educational program called "2017 - Your Year of Transformation." You can connect with her on Facebook at Forward Coaching & Consulting Services, on her website at www.tamaradodgson.com, or via email at email@example.com.