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Increasing Your Own Self Worth

 

"It is not what you are that is holding you back.  It's what you think you are not." - Anonymous

"Tamara has made such a positive impact on my life...her influence remains with me today."

One of the most challenging obstacles people face in life is learning to recognize and appreciate their own self worth. Underestimating our own value makes us do all kinds of crazy things; we try too hard to please other people, we become perfectionists, we take on too much and we even block our own ability to receive when others try to give us something back - often because we feel we aren't really deserving.

On top of all those negative consequences, our personal beliefs about our own self worth also determine how other people perceive our value as well.  After all, if we don't believe enough in our own value, why would anyone else believe in it either?  We actually teach people how to treat us, because we show them what we expect for ourselves by our own actions.  We show them what standards we are willing to tolerate and those we are not.  We show them with the way we choose to respond to things, the way we treat ourselves, the way we talk about ourselves and the standard of living we are willing to accept for ourselves. Everything we do, say and believe paints a picture of how we see ourselves and that picture is the one that we show to the world.

Each one of us has the ability to determine for ourselves the price that we will ask of life.  The question you have to ask yourself is, "What price are you currently asking?"  Are you settling for less than you know you deserve?  Are you working on yourself to increase your self worth and your own sense of self esteem?  What kinds of action can you take to raise your personal standards, so that you can begin to see, feel and experience a greater quality of life for yourself?

Here I am offering you a multitude of ways to begin to change the way you see yourself - ways for you to increase your self worth so that you can begin to thrive and live the best life you can possibly live!

Practise Self Care

Beginning every morning, develop rituals that will keep you looking and feeling your absolute best:

 

  • Practise positive affirmations, such as "I love myself. I'm a good person.  I deserve to have a wonderful and exciting life.  I am determined to make this a powerful day!"

  • Practise gratitude. Begin each day by affirming at least 3 things that you are most grateful for.

  • Practise 10 minutes of meditation.  Use this time to centre yourself and find peace before you start the day.

  • Spend some time reading an inspiring book or listen to a motivational audio program.  This practise will raise your energy as well as your spirits, and help you set a positive tone for the day.

  • Plan out your day before you do anything else.  It has been said that either you run the day or the day runs you. Make sure you get to run the day!

  • Exercise.  Do something every day that gets your blood pumping and the dopamine flowing.

  • Shower, dress and take the time to work on your appearance.  You are worth it. This isn't about pleasing others - it's about making you feel good about being you.

  • Eat well.  Starting your day with a healthy, nutritious and delicious meal will give you the energy and the stamina to make every day more memorable and more enjoyable.

"Success is nothing more than a few simple disciplines, practised every day."  - Jim Rohn

Honour Your Own Needs First

Some of you are going to struggle with this concept, probably as much as I did for years; I couldn't imagine putting my own needs first.  But that kind of thinking will only leave you feeling empty, exhausted and full of resentment.  Taking care of your own needs first will actually enable you to better appreciate and recognize your own value, and it will also teach others that you know you are worthy of love and respect as well:

  • Learn to prioritize and keep your commitments to yourself.  Following this practise will establish your own sense of self worth, because it reminds you that you are worthy of your time, your effort and your energy.  It helps you to recognize and acknowledge your own importance and it will help you to build confidence and self esteem.

  • Take some time every day to think about how you want your life to be and who it is that you want to become.  Ask yourself questions that will help you determine whether or not you are on track and staying true to who you want to be:

    • What am I doing today to work towards my goals?

    • Is this activity, thought or behaviour helping me move in the direction I want to go?

    • If I say yes to this, what am I saying no to?

    • How can I grow today as a person, parent, spouse or entrepreneur?

    • What would a perfect day look like for me?

  • Take a five minute break each day to perform a personal performance evaluation.  Ask yourself if you are acting in your best interests, from the highest place within yourself and for whom you wish to become. Make sure that your work and your words are of benefit to yourself and others.  This is one way to ensure that you are making daily progress towards a higher sense of self esteem.

  • Always question your emotions. Whenever you find yourself feeling negative in any way, take some time to think about your needs. What need is it that you feel you are trying to meet in this moment?  How can you go about meeting these needs in a healthier and more positive way?

    • Do you feel like you could be needing more Love & Connection?  

    • Are you feeling a lack of Certainty, Stability or Control?

    • Are you bored or needing more Variety in your life at the moment?

    • Are you seeking Significance or a sense of Achievement?

    • Do you feel stale or lacking in motivation?  Is there room for you to Grow?

    • Are you longing for a sense of Purpose or Contribution?

Practise Forgiveness

 

Every judgement you hold, either against yourself or someone else, creates a toxic energy which will poison your body, your mind and your life:

 

  • What kinds of memories or experiences have you been holding onto that could be creating toxic energy in your life?  Practise letting go or releasing these things to free up your mental and emotional energy.

  • What kinds of stories or beliefs have you been telling yourself about the past that may have been limiting you or holding you back from reaching your potential?  How can you change those stories or beliefs so that they become more empowering or uplifting for you?

  • Do you have anything you carry guilt about?  Is there anything you need to do or say to someone to help you clear that energy?  What is the smallest possible action you could take to correct that situation?

  • Have you been harbouring any negative or disempowering thoughts, opinions or attitudes towards other people that could be harming you or setting you up for negative results in your life?  Any negative thoughts, beliefs or opinions that we hold about other people have the ability to dampen our energy and create dis-ease within our minds and bodies.  Learn to practise sending love and blessings to those whom you have felt anything less than approving of up to now. This practise will not only clear your energy but your conscience and your conscious mind as well - which will leave you open to receiving more abundance and more joy in the future.

Take Ownership

Taking ownership over everything in your life means that you take full responsibility for how your life currently looks.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  You can't change anything that you are unwilling to take responsibility for.  If you can't change your circumstances, you can at least make a decision to change how you feel about it:

 

  • Take a look at where you currently are and take note of everything and anything you are not satisfied with in your life. Think about all the decisions, actions, beliefs and behaviours that got you where you are today.  How did you help to create your current circumstances?  What can you do to change them now?

  • Make some decisions about what you really want and think about why you want it.  Getting clarity around what you want is the first step towards making it happen.  Learn to make conscious decisions every day that will take you closer to your goals.

  • Think about the "blueprint" or the set of expectations that you have had for your life and notice any major differences between that blueprint and how your life has turned out.  If you feel like life has handed you a box of lemons, you now have the opportunity to decide what you are going to do next.  Unless you're a tree, you can move forward.

  • Do a really comprehensive review of all the ways that you have been getting your needs met up until now.  Are there any beliefs, behaviours or addictions that you need to address that are not serving you in a positive way over the long term? What other ways could you go about meeting those needs or how else could you prioritize them so that you have more balance and joy in your life?

  • What have you been making other people responsible for in your life up to now? How can you begin to take more responsibility for your own life and happiness instead?  Blaming others for our circumstances or the way that we feel only serves as a way to disempower ourselves and give our power away to others, sometimes people who do not have our best interests at heart!

Change Your Language

The language you use to describe yourself, your life, your family, your history, your situation or your dreams, has a direct and immediate impact that although you may not immediately see, you will most definitely eventually come to know:

 

  • Learn to pay attention to the language that you use every single day.  Consider the way that you tend to describe things and make a conscious effort to change any negative or disempowering patterns which you discover:

    • Do you have a habit of using exaggeration to describe negative events, making them seem worse than they actually are?​

    • Do you use insulting or derogatory language to describe other people or mock them?

    • Do you have a habit of gossiping about others or finding fault with them?

    • Does the language you use to describe yourself make you feel powerful, positive & motivated?

    • Do you tend to focus on all that is lacking or missing in your life?

    • Do the words that you use to describe your goals inspire you to take action or do they fill you with dread?

  • When you speak to yourself in your mind, does your internal language make you feel good or bad about yourself?  Try to slow down the messages that have come to play at lightening speed, so much so that you hardly even pay attention to them any more.  Try listening to those messages and note the kinds of things you are saying to yourself on a regular basis.  This practise can take you to a whole new level of awareness about how you treat yourself and how you speak to yourself internally every single day.  By raising your standards in this area, you will also be guaranteed to raise your self esteem.

 

"Language is very powerful. Language does not just describe reality. Language creates the reality it describes."

- Desmond Tutu

Change Your Focus

Wherever focus goes, energy flows.  If you want to feel like you are in control of your life, then you have to focus on the things you can control, rather than wasting your time and energy on things that you have no power over:

 

  • Learn to pay attention to where you place your energy and your time.  You can't get where you want to go if you spend 100% your time taking care of everyone else's needs and wants.  You are the only person who gets to decide where you place your attention.  Make sure it goes on the things that you want, versus the things that you don't.

  • Rather than paying attention to the things you think are lacking in your life, try focusing on all of the wonderful blessings you have been given.  Think about what options and opportunities you have available to you, and learn to take advantage of them. Every so-called problem you have actually has an amazing opportunity hidden somewhere inside of it. Find it.

  • The past is behind you; it's not where you're going.  Stop wasting your precious time and energy on looking back and wishing anything was different.  It's already done and there's nothing you can do about it.  Spend your time looking forward on where you want to go and who you want to become, and use your energy to take action towards those goals.

  • Time has a way of slipping quietly by when we are not paying attention.  If you have any habits that eat up your time but don't necessarily benefit you in any way, you need to take a second look at your schedule as well as your patterns of behaviour.  Do you have a tendency to want to 'check out'?  Why?  Doing mindless activities like watching television or playing games on your phone might seem innocent enough, but over the course of a year those things can radically eat away at your productivity and even your mental health.  Make sure you are finding a healthy balance between hours of work and hours of beneficial play/relaxation.

Celebrate All of Your Accomplishments

We women have become famous for neglecting ourselves, and one of the most unfortunate ways that we do that is we deny ourselves the right and the opportunity to celebrate our own accomplishments.  There's a part of us that thinks that it's self gratuitous or self aggrandizing or wrong to celebrate our victories, but think about how deflating that is for a moment.  Would we ever deny our children or our spouses the opportunity for acknowledgement for a job well done?  Of course not, because we know how important it is to be recognized for our achievements and hard work.  Why should you be any different?

 

  • Look over your life in 10 year increments, and take note of all of the accomplishments and achievements you've earned. Write all of them down on a piece of paper and make sure to take a moment to celebrate each and every one.  Think about all that it took for you to accomplish those things and show yourself some appreciation for all of your efforts.  You deserve to give yourself recognition and praise!

  • Each time you manage to accomplish another goal, follow through on your commitments to yourself, make progress towards something you want or successfully raise your standards in any area of your life, allow yourself the time and even the money to reward yourself properly.  Make sure you do at least the minimum you would do for anyone else in your family to celebrate these small wins.  Over time, you will begin to notice that you feel better about yourself and how much you have achieved.

  • Take time to journal about how much you do for everyone else in your life.  The purpose of this exercise is not to create a running list that we can use to manipulate people or make them feel guilty about how much we do for them, but rather it is a way of reminding ourselves of just how much we do for other people so that we can at least acknowledge where a good portion of our time and energy goes.  There's nothing wrong with showing ourselves a little appreciation every now and then.  It's not only good for the soul and good for our mental and spiritual wellbeing, but it also helps us to show ourselves a little more compassion and kindness in our everyday lives.

Take an Inventory

It is often easy to underestimate our own value in today's world.  We are so busy making comparisons with people who have done more, know more, network more, travel more or make more money than us, that we forget about all of the resources that we have available to us at any given time.  We need to practise writing and updating our resume more often, so that we are more prepared to take advantage of opportunities when the arrive:

 

  • Starting with where you are today, take some time to update your current resume.  Be sure to take note of all of the learning, experiences, skills, talents and abilities you have earned over the years and find a way to include these on your resume.  I'd be willling to bet that if you really thought about it, there would be many skills that you have acquired in the past that you haven't ever thought about which could totally beef up your resume and help potential employers or business prospects to understand and appreciate the value you could bring to the table.

  • Think about all of the resources that you have used in the past to get you where you wanted to go:

    • What resources did you use to solve a problem in the past?​

    • What skills did you have to learn or discover in order to complete a project or job?

    • What natural talents do you have that have helped you deal with other people in the past?

    • What kind of strengths have you discovered within yourself that have helped you to overcome challenges?

    • What character traits or values do you have that you are most proud of?

    • What's something you managed to do in the past that you never even thought possible for you before you did it?

  • Make a list of all of the support resources that you have available to you in your life, and all the people who have helped you to get to where you are.  Most of us have people who have mentored us, helped us, supported us or encouraged us to become more than we thought we were capable of.  Creating this list will help you to see just how many people have been there for you and all the ways in which they have supported you throughout your life.  Take time to thank these people for all they have done and use this exercise as a means to boost your self esteem and self worth.  

Stop Making Everything About You

One of the surest ways to increase your own self worth is to stop making EVERYTHING about you!  The more you get stuck inside your own head, the more miserable you are guaranteed to become:

  • Dr. Phil always used to say, "You'd worry a lot less about what people thought of you, if you only knew how little they actually did." and he's right.  Other people aren't going around being focused on you all the time, so why should you be? Other people are focused on them, so the only person you really need to worry about is you, but in a more constructive way, such as:

    • What kind of life are YOU living right now?​

    • What are you doing to make a positive impact on the world?

    • What is it about you that you aren't happy with?  What can you do to change that?

    • What is it about you that makes you want to make everything about you?  What can you work on?

    • What needs could you meeting by making this about you?  Do you enjoy being the 'victim'?

    • How can you empower yourself so that you focus on what you are contributing versus getting?

  • Don Miguel Ruiz talks about this in his book, "The Four Agreements".  He says that "Personal Importance, or taking things personally, is the maximum expression of selfishness, because we make the assumption that everything is about "me"."  and "When we take something personally, we make the assumption that the other person knows what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world."  The truth is, if you know who you are, then nothing anyone else says or does should matter to you.

  • Be wary of your own filters.  Your filters are the lenses through which you see the world.  If your lens is clouded by negative beliefs about yourself, then all of your experiences will reflect that belief back to you, because everything you see you will see through that lens.

Be Authentic

Becoming more authentic means that you make a decision to focus on the things that matter most to you, and you become completely comfortable with who you are:

  • Know your values and decide on your reason for being here.  Consciously make decisions about who you want to be and what you want to stand for, and then go out and be that.  Your purpose, your journey and your gifts are totally, 100% unique to you.  You do not have to mould yourself into something that you believe someone else may want or need.  Your destiny is about discovering as much about you as you can about you and what it is that makes you unique - and then finding a way to use that to benefit your fellow man. Period.

  • It is your own brand of authenticity that makes people become attracted to you.  Why would you want to align yourself with people who do not necessarily align with you?  The reality is that the more authentic you become, the easier it will be for you to find the people who align with you naturally - those are your people.

  • Self doubt is one of the most poisonous and devious practises there is - it is a futile and destructive behaviour that sabotages you and your relationships and keeps you from reaching your full potential.  Learn to stand guard at the gates of your mind and make a conscious effort to banish it for good.

  • Make sure that almost everything you do, you do for the right reasons.  Learn to say "No" to things that you are not interested in and learn to say "Yes" to the things that you are.  You may not make everyone in your life happy by following this philosophy, but you will find your own path to happiness and fulfillment. This doesn't mean that you can't go out of your way every now and then to help other people or do something you're not necessarily comfortable with, but just make sure that when you do those things, you're doing them out of the goodness of your heart and because you love them, not because you feel obligated or want to impress anybody.  You have to be willing to let other people know that you are okay with disappointing them if it means that you are standing in your truth.

If you would like to have some help achieving your goals or eradicating your limiting beliefs, please contact me to find out how you can take advantage of my complimentary, one-on-one, Coaching Consultation Session.  This free session can help you get to the core of your deepest desires and give you the opportunity to create a powerful and impactful purpose driven plan for 2017!